Many divorces are complicated, frustrating, and often combative. When substance abuse enters the divorce picture, those things often only get worse. Whether the substance abuse is a primary or secondary reason for the divorce or arises because of the divorce itself, substance abuse can have a devastating effect on the family, as well as the divorce itself. However, if couples engage in counseling as part of their divorce process, they may be able to help the person who has the substance abuse issue as well as the entire family. Counseling or therapy does not have to be done with the intention of preserving the marriage, but it can assist in preserving the relationships that come after the divorce is final. If you are interested in learning more about how counseling could possibly help you during your divorce, call Sullivan Shick at (480) 719-2558 to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced divorce attorneys and review your case.
Connection Between Substance Abuse and Divorce
Arizona is a no-fault divorce state, which means that no reason has to be cited to file or be granted a divorce. Couples can simply state irreconcilable differences and be free of each other. This makes it rather difficult to determine exactly how many divorces in the state are as a result of substance abuse. With many other states also allowing no-fault divorces, it can be difficult to get numbers regarding national trends as well.
However, the National Library of Medicine published the results of a small study involving 52 people. Of those, 36 had been married to each other. When asked, 34% of the individuals cited substance abuse as a reason for their divorce. This resulted in 50% of couples having at least one partner citing substance abuse and 33% of couples where both partners cited substance abuse as a factor in their divorce. If these numbers are any indication, substance abuse could be a significant factor in many divorces.
Why Go to Counseling or Therapy If You Are Getting Divorced?
Many people view counseling or therapy as a pre-divorce step to take. They look at counseling or therapy as being a measure to try to prevent divorce and if it fails, then they move on. While couples should certainly consider trying therapy or counseling as a method to try to save their marriage and avoid divorce, they could also view it as a method of making their divorce a little easier, particularly in divorces where substance abuse is a factor.
Counseling in divorce can serve many purposes, none of which are preserving the marriage. This kind of counseling can create better post-divorce relationships and address divorce-related issues in a safe environment, among other things.
Address Challenges Related to Getting and Staying Sober
Substance abuse is a complex issue. There are people who believe it is merely a character weakness and that those suffering from addiction simply need to “get it together” and quit using drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, substance abuse is made up of a tangle of triggers, symptoms, and literal brain changes that make it a chronic condition that is difficult to just quit. The National Institute on Drug Abuse explains that drugs can mimic the neurotransmitters of the brain’s reward system, and that for some people, repeated use changes the way some areas of the brain work and communicate with each other. They also state that repeated drug use can build much stronger connections between drugs and the cues, or triggers, associated with them. This continued use can also weaken brain circuits responsible for exercising self-control and tolerating stress. All of these things indicate substance abuse and they all make getting sober extremely difficult.
By attending counseling in divorce, the substance user as well as the rest of the family can learn more about how addiction works, why it makes it so difficult to get and remain sober, and how they can assist their loved one with getting and staying sober. This can help the entire family understand the challenges their loved one will face, provide tools they can use to deal with it when their loved one relapses or takes longer to get sober than anticipated, and provide other information and skills that they can all use. This brings more compassion, empathy, and patience between the spouses, which can be critical when emotions are running high due to the divorce.
Improve Communication and Relationships Going Forward
Communication is frequently a significant factor in divorces, with some studies finding as many as 65% of divorces claiming poor communication as a reason for divorce. In divorces in which substance abuse is also a factor, this poor communication may be a result of the substance abuse or it may have existed prior to the abuse, perhaps even contributing to the abuse. Either way, counseling in divorce may assist in improving this communication.
A good counselor or therapist will be able to assist divorcing couples, and entire families, with learning how to better communicate, even while one spouse is still struggling with active addiction. For couples who share children and must forge a co-parenting relationship after divorce, this can be critical. This improved communication will also improve post-divorce relationships between the spouses, parents and children, siblings, and even extend out to relationships beyond the family unit.
Provide Support and Rebuild the Family Structure
While society often describes divorced families as broken homes or broken families, the truth is that a divorced family is still a family. The difference is it is a family with a different structure. Counseling in divorce can provide support to the family as they go through the divorce process.
Part of this support can be assisting the family as they rebuild the family structure to work in their new reality post-divorce. Counselors or therapists can help a substance user understand the steps they must take in order to see or have custody of their children, help the non-addicted spouse understand how to support their former spouse while also protecting their children, and help children understand on an age-appropriate level of why their parents are divorcing, how life will change, and how things may continue to change as the addicted parent progresses through recovery.
Learn About and Understand Substances and Risks of Abuse
Society often views substance abuse as an individual problem. The person who has the addiction is making a choice and this choice affects only them, according to this perspective. However, the reality is that addiction is not a choice, and it affects many of the people around the person with the substance abuse issue. The National Institute on Drug Abuse identified commonly inherited genes for addiction disorders, regardless of which substance may have been used, in a study of one million people. This means that not only is substance abuse not just an individual problem, but a problem that can affect the user’s family by putting them at risk for substance abuse themselves in the future.
Counseling in divorce can help parents and children learn about and understand the various substances that people are frequently addicted to and the risk factors for abusing those substances. Counselors can provide information and insight into the signs and symptoms of abuse, more appropriate tools for dealing with stress and life struggles, and help families build stronger relationships that may reduce the risk of substance abuse in the rest of the family and reduce the risk of the user relapsing once they get sober.
Address Divorce-Related Problems in a Safe Environment
Divorce is rarely easy and pleasant. There are disagreements over property division, child custody, child support, spousal support, and often over the behavior that one or both spouses exhibited during the marriage. These disagreements may be bitter and filled with resentment under the best of circumstances. When one spouse has a substance abuse issue, these disagreements can be much worse, as the spouse with the addiction will often be in denial and feel as though they are being ganged up on or punished.
Divorce in counseling can provide a safe, quiet, soothing space in which to try to address some or all of these divorce-related problems. The counselor or therapist can act as a mediator or referee to keep tempers cool and help rephrase or redefine what each party is trying to say when emotions run high and the words they use are not quite what they meant. Additionally, because it is not a courtroom, everyone may feel more free to speak their minds and even children can be heard. While nothing said or agreed to in counseling sessions is legally binding, these sessions may help the divorcing couple find common ground and come to agreements on issues they did not agree on before, which they can then incorporate into their divorce. If you and your spouse find points of agreement in counseling, a skilled divorce attorney with Sullivan Shick may be able to help you draft those into a marital agreement that can be incorporated into your final divorce decree.
Help the Substance User on Their Recovery Journey
Counseling or therapy is often recommended for substance abuse recovery. Therapy and counseling can often help those with substance abuse issues work out their stress, find the root of their addiction, and learn tools and skills that can help them reduce the risk of relapse in the future. Whether they attend solo or with their former spouse or their children, these sessions can help set substance users up for success after divorce, particularly if they are further along in recovery and have already found sobriety.
Is Counseling Before Divorce Mandatory in Arizona?
Arizona does not have any laws or court regulations that require divorcing couples to attend therapy or go to counseling before they get divorced. There are also no laws requiring counseling during divorce. However, A.R.S. §25-381.09 is a state statute that allows either or both spouses to file a petition in conciliation court to preserve the marriage either by effective conciliation or by helping them find an amicable settlement of any controversial issues so they can avoid further litigation.
If one or both spouses file in conciliation court, they will then attend a brief conference that is intended to assist the parties in making informed, thoughtful decisions regarding their marital relationship, according to the Maricopa County Superior Court. After attending this conference, if the parties need further assistance, they can be referred to community-based services, such as counseling.
Types of Counseling or Therapy to Consider Trying
Therapy or counseling in divorce is not one size fits all. There are different types and even with substance abuse playing a role in the divorce, some types may be more suited to some individuals or couples than others.
Behavioral Couples Therapy
Behavioral Couples Therapy (BCT) is a treatment approach specifically for substance abusers and their live-in partners. Often, substance abuse is supported by dysfunctional couple interactions, and this treatment seeks to address the substance abuse directly while also restructuring the interactions between the couple. This restructuring of interactions makes this an ideal counseling option for couples who want to remain married, but may also be an ideal option for counseling in divorce, as the couple will need to restructure their interactions as a divorced couple. BCT may help them do so in healthier, more stable ways.
Attending this kind of counseling in divorce can show the court that both parties are committed to having a better relationship going forward. This counseling may also result in the substance user being better able to acknowledge the mistakes they have made and show other signs of recovery and growth, which can result in the court making different decisions that may be more beneficial to the substance user if they are in the early stages of sobriety.
Individual Counseling
Individual counseling allows each partner, or each member of the family if children are included, to attend counseling or therapy alone. This allows each individual a protected space in which to voice their thoughts, fears, worries, and frustrations without fear of reprisal from anyone else in the family. This type of counseling in divorce can be effective even if only one person attends, though it tends to be more successful if the substance user attends as part of their recovery. In individual counseling, the substance user can address some of the challenges of getting and staying sober. If others in the family attend individual counseling, they may learn more about their own roles and actions in the substance user’s addiction and how they can change their interactions with the substance user to be supportive of recovery.
For those with a substance abuse issue, attending individual counseling can show the court that the individual is serious about their recovery and about having solid, healthy relationships with their children going forward. This can be extremely beneficial in cases where the individual may otherwise lose custody or perhaps not even see the children at all.
Group Counseling
Like individual counseling, the family will typically attend different group sessions based on their role. The substance user will attend group counseling with other substance users, while their spouse may attend group counseling sessions with other spouses of substance users, for example. These counseling sessions are beneficial for helping individuals not feel alone in their circumstances. Additionally, they can provide accountability. For example, substance users can be called out when they are dishonest, as other substance users will recognize what they are doing. Spouses of users can get empathy and support even as they also receive advice on how to manage their interactions and experiences with the user.
For substance users, group counseling may be part of an outpatient program for substance abuse treatment, which can show the court a serious commitment to getting and staying sober. For the other spouse, it can show the court that they are trying to build a new, healthier relationship with the substance user.
Aftercare Options
Counseling in divorce can take a variety of forms and can also take different lengths of time. Some individuals may finish counseling and feel as though they would like or need more support than they received. They can find this additional support with continuing therapy, support groups, and other aftercare options that would allow them to continue to take care of their needs without necessarily requiring anyone else to be involved.
How an Arizona Divorce Attorney May Be Able to Assist You
Counseling is not required as part of an Arizona divorce. However, when substance abuse plays a role in the divorce, attending even a few counseling sessions may be beneficial. Substance users can show a commitment to getting sober by attending counseling, while spouses can show they are trying to build a healthier relationship with the user. Getting children into counseling can show that their mental health and well-being are a top priority. Counseling in divorce can be extremely useful in these types of divorces. A divorce attorney with Sullivan Shick may be able to assist with referring you to a reputable counselor or therapist, documenting attempts at counseling as well as a party’s refusal to attend counseling, and more. Call (480) 719-2558 to schedule a consultation at our Mesa office to learn more.